Mama Nuggle

I am guessing that some of you may have noticed that I have been on an extended leave lately. I am not referring to my recent maternity leave - but a blogging LOA. You see, way back in August, I re-acclimated myself into my paying job. After 12 weeks off, this was both easier and harder than I expected.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a good job. My colleagues and co-workers like and respect me. My boss treats me well. My team seems to enjoy working for me (or at least they are smart enough to fake it.) It’s just - well - there’s no place like home.

Of course, while I was off, I broke the cardinal rule of leave - I occasionally worked. I read e-mails almost daily. I fielded a few phone calls. I read through the internal company website to keep up with what was going on. Basically, I did all this in attempt to make my first few weeks back at work that much smoother.

You know how hard it is to get caught up at work after taking a week’s vacation? It takes a few days just to dig out, to clear the pile off your desk and to respond / delete / file all the messages in your inbox. Your phone rings off the hook. Everything takes twice as long to finish because you wish you were still on vacation and not chained to your desk. Combine all that with the busiest time of year for your particular industry (in my case, back to school), so every day is a MADHOUSE. NOW, MULTIPLY THAT TIMES TWELVE, for the number of weeks I was off. Then, multiply by 14, for the number of stores I supervise. Do you now understand why I have begun to fantasize about drinking heavily, although it is only 8:23 A.M. and I am not really a drinker?

Nevertheless, I am happy to report that I survived my first day back, which was an at home “office day.” Which meant I didn’t need to leave the kids that day, thank God. You may wonder what an “office day” is… basically it’s manager-speak for trying to catch up on a shitload of work while taking conference calls and trying to dodge people you are really not capable of dealing with at that immediate moment. I have 4 phone lines in our house. Plus a cell phone. And they were all still ringing at 8:30 P.M.

And yet, I made it through the first day. And the first week. And the first month. And the second month.

Then, things started getting tricky.

You see, the back to school rush is over. It was followed by a post-holiday type of letdown.

Everyone in my  stores suddenly began to think, “Hey, wait! I am finally not swamped, and I have been meaning to talk to Lori about XXX.” Which translates roughly into “Hey Lori… I am ticked off about XXX, and I need you to fix it / give me a raise / solve this problem for me.”

In fact, all the “issues” that could have cropped up while I was off DIDN’T. Instead, they were merely in hibernation until I returned. Everyone was waiting for their “real” boss to come back.. and hoo boy, are those festering issues smacking me in the face right now.

Like ever-present tumbleweeds blowing across a sun-parched desert, like dust bunnies hiding in a rarely used room - all the issues have quickly resurfaced. And they are now cluttering up my brain. I am stressed - which is, quite possibly, the largest understatement I have ever made.

In fact, I have been so stressed that I have chewed what my dental hygenist refers to as callouses on the inside of my cheeks. Is that even freakin’ possible? Apparently so!

I find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking “Oh, crap! I forgot to call so-and-so back!” Or, “I hope so and so doesn’t quit.” Or, “I hope those two don’t go all postal on each other before I can get in to mediate.” Or, “If I have one more issue at Store #### I will plead with real estate to just close them already!”

I have been working like a madwoman over the past few weeks. And I am making progress, but I am not  - metaphorically speaking - where I want to be right now.

And oh - did I forget to mention this? - Jeremy re-entered the workforce a few weeks ago. He has been traveling several days a week, doing “overnights” as part of his training. Which leaves me (the parent not so used to being a full time caregiver) in charge of the kids. Aaaaccck!

I must confess that I have a great support network… my parents have ever-so-insanely signed up for watching the kids several (read: three to four) days a week - Thank God! But, since my parents live in a different state than we do, I have been staying (read:living) at their house, in my childhood bedroom, several nights a week. With a 2 year old and a four month old in tow. Which sounds so easy on paper, but in reality it is quite challenging.

Even the sleeping arrangements are unique. Thankfully, Kid #2 sleeps like a champ, but only if she is attached to the magic boobies on and off for most of the night. Meaning she is sandwiched next to me all night. I live in fear of rolling over on her. On the other hand, Kid #1 has been bunking with my dad. (Oh, Pop-pop, how lucky can you get!) My dad and Ty, they are quite the pair.

Why, you ask?

Well, Pop-pop snores like a freight train (sorry, Daddy!) and Ty kicks like Billy Blanks doing a “best of Tae-Bo” DVD. One would think that Grammy - being the only member of the household to NOT be co-sleeping with anyone - is getting the better end of the deal.

One would be wrong in making that assumption.

Why, you ask?

Well, although the bulk of the child care responsibilities is “technically” mine (seeing as how they are MY kids and all) Grammy has been gracious (or crazy enough) to take care of the kids all day until I come home from work.

On some nights, my arrival doesn’t occur until well into the final minutes of Dancing with the Stars. On a few occasions, I have actually dragged myself over the threshold in the wee early morning hours (around 2 AM or so) after doing a night inventory or remodel. My ridiculous schedule alone is enough to really aggravate even the most dedicated caregiver. Couple that with the amount they are spending on beverages (Milk, diet Pepsi, and formula - in that order) while housing my clan, I am surprised my parents have not kicked me out by now. I am sure it will happen any day now. Just please, mom and dad, keep the kids, will ya? And at least give me two weeks notice!

PS I love you Mom and Dad! See you Monday!

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