Mama Nuggle

Anyone else notice that after you have kids, a weird thing begins to happen to your TV? You see, a few months ago, Jeremy bought me a new flat screen TV for our family room. At the same time, we got digital cable with DVR. I wonder if it is a programming issue or something but since that time, our TV no longer displays anything other than PBS Sprout, Disney Channel, or ONDEMAND movies like Open Season or Meet the Robinsons.

Like all good members of the male species, Ty has always had a healthy appreciation for all things electronic, particularly cell phones, the mouse to our computer, my laptop, the TV, and the DVD player. But nothing ever topped his love of the SIX remotes it takes to operate our TV/VCR/DVD/DVR/CABLE/SURROUND SOUND. While Ty has always had a rather advanced vocabulary for his age,  one of his first words was “mote” … meaning he wanted us to change the channel, to something else HE WANTED TO WATCH.

No, not what we want to watch. What HE wants.

I guess Ty takes the words “ONDEMAND” quite literally, because when he wants to watch something, he means NOW.  If we aren’t quick enough, Ty becomes… ah, how shall I say this delicately?… rather… demanding (pun intended.)

Guess that targeted advertising really works, huh?

I suppose I can take the blame here. I think I am a very good mother, but perhaps I introduced Ty to the concept of watching TV a little too early. Like most first time parents, I wanted my baby to be smart. I wanted him to speak clearly at an early age. I wanted him to have a broad vocabulary, and exposure to a wide variety of concepts.

So… we bought the entire series of Baby Einstein DVD’s. As an infant, Ty watched them with rapt attention.

He learned about all kinds of interesting topics. Like animals (of the rain forest… of the seas… on the farm… in the forest… in the jungle… in the neighborhood… you get my drift.) And vehicles. And body parts. And art. And music. And action verbs. And counting. And the alphabet.

From the time Ty was a few months old, and could focus on objects more than 12″ away, I snuggled him into the Boppy pillow or the swing and plopped him in front of the TV. “Baby Einstein videos are so educational!” I thought enthusiastically. “He loves them!” And when he started to talk a few months earlier than expected, I congratulated myself on having made such a smart choice by letting him watch all those DVD’s. It didn’t hurt that while he watched, mommy could work diligently on her laptop, rapidly firing off e-mails while my colleagues were still asleep, so that I could get home earlier.

Basically, what I am telling you is that I cheated.

I allowed the TV to stimulate my son, because it required less effort. And he seemed so happy as the classical music tinkled from the surround sound and the brightly colored images flashed across that 37″ surface. My intentions were pure (you know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?). Well, it didn’t take long for those choices to come back to bite me in the ass.

Fast forward a few months: Mickey’s Clubhouse became his new favorite. Month after month, he clamored for Mickey. As soon as Ty heard the lyrics “Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog Song,” his arms and legs would flail wildly in time to the beat. Pre-DVR, Mickey and pals weren’t always readily available. And Ty wanted them. NOW.

To satisfy his ever-increasing demands, I started playing clips of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song by They Might Be Giants on line for him at Playhouse Disney. Like a crack addict jonesing for his next fix, Ty would cry “More!  More! More Mickey!” In a desperate attempt to navigate the Net, Ty would grab the mouse, randomly clicking away in order to get his next Mickey high. It never seemed to be enough.

In what turned out to be the equivalent of swapping methadone for heroin, I began to expand Ty’s viewing options to whatthef***wasIthinking Elmo and friends on Sesame Street. Turns out, Elmo is even more irritating than Mickey. I found myself dreaming phrases such as “Are you ready? Yeah!” and “Let’s ask Mr.Noodles what he would like for dinner. Oh, Mr. Noo-ooo-dddles?” It was the darkest period of my TV-and-DVD-watching existence. Elmo had to go. IMMEDIATELY.

Why didn’t I just turn the TV off you may ask? Well, I was very sleep deprived. At 4:30 AM (the time at which Ty wanted to start his day) you’ll do anything to not have to be fully coherent and/or entertaining. Yeah, I know. I SUCK.

So, Elmo went bye-bye. And in came the Little Einsteins. I felt slightly better about this choice, namely because of all the references to dead composers and important works of art. Again, I hid behind the notion of ”educational programming.”

Over time, Ty’s viewing preferences changed somewhat. Not the frequency of viewing- I’m embarrassed to report that he hasn’t kicked his habit yet- but the programs did. Oh, he still watches the Einsteins. But he has added some “new favorites,” like Dora and Diego. Unfortunately, he discovered Pingu, which is the second most obnoxiously irritating character, right after Elmo. But I must say the variety of his viewing habits has gotten better.

Like any good parent, I remember the milestones. Not, say, how old he was when he said ,”Dada” for the first time. Nope. I have no clue.  But I’ll never forget the day he watched Ratatouille for the first time. At 19 months, Ty sat, motionless, in a trance, for two solid hours. He did not move. Not once. He clearly inherited his love of movies from his daddy. Normally, I do one of two things while watching a movie: 1) multitask by reading or doing laundry or dishes or 2) fall asleep. Unlike Jeremy, I cannot sit still that long. Needless to say, we don’t go to the movies. EVER. But, I must confess I heard a choir of angels sing when I realized Ty has a better attention span than I do!

In any event, I don’t want you to think that watching TV is all the little man does. Nope. We read books, go to the park, play with a bazillion toys, splash in the pool, dig in the sandbox, play hide-and-go-seek, draw pictures, go for walks, build with blocks… all sorts of things to stimulate Ty’s imagination and encourage physical activity (not controlled by the remote).

But I must confess I long for a little “adult” TV … get your mind outta the gutter! Not porn, you freak! I meant shows like Dateline, CSI, Law and Order, True Hollywood Story, and E! News. Maybe someday Caitlin and I can take back the house!

Anyone else have these issues? What are/were your kids’ favorite shows? Which ones do you love? Hate? Ban? Drop me a comment and let me know!

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